Jacko will turn 50 on Friday, and according to mirror.co.uk, age progression experts in the U.K. came up with this image of what Michael should look like without the past 30 years of non-stop surgery. I can still remember Michael’s early television appearances on the Andy Williams Show, when he was still good looking.
Born on August 29, 1958, in Gary, Indiana, Michael made his professional debut in 1969 with his brothers as a member of The Jackson Five. He achieved unbelievable success on his own and became known as the “King of Pop.” He still holds the world record for best-selling recording of all time – Thriller. You know that one; it is often used by wedding choreographers for the new trend in wedding “First Dance” routines (a topic that I will address in another article where you turn into a zombie once the honeymoon is over).
Not too long ago, a good friend of mine had plastic surgery, it was not a pretty sight. For about six weeks, her face looked as if it was side-swiped by two parallel fast-moving trucks, much like Michael does AFTER the healing process. After all her pain and suffering, she landed a date with Reuben from "Along Came Polly," rather than being spirited away by someone like Johnny Depp. It was about as exciting as trying to trade double entendres with Barney Fife. Plus, it set her back 30% of the 401K.
Recently, I found a web site that lists some of the worst plastic surgery disasters of all time. Click here to see for yourself what can happen when you get bored with life and save enough money to take revenge on your body, instead of eating poutine and enjoying a relaxing vacation.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
|The Rev. Antonio Rungi of Naples, Italy, an Italian priest and theologian, announced yesterday that he is organizing an online nun’s beauty pageant called "Miss Sister 2008."|
He claims that this will give nuns more visibility within the Catholic Church and allow them to squelch the stereotype of nuns being “old and dour.”
"Nuns are a bit excluded, they are a bit marginalized in ecclesiastical life," Rungi told reporters when the story broke in Italy. "This will be an occasion to make their contribution more visible."
"We are not going to parade nuns in bathing suits," Rungi said, "but being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it."
The Association of Catholic teachers, is opposed to the concept saying "It's an initiative that belittles the role of nuns who have dedicated themselves to God," Association President, Alberto Giannino, told ANSA, the Italian news agency.
The contest for "Miss Sister 2008" will begin next month on a blog run by Father Rungi, in Naples, complete with nuns’ photographs and bios. The URL has not yet been disclosed, pending boycotts and injunctions. There has been no comment from the Holy See.
(I'm still waiting for that genius programmer to create little boycott icons that you can throw out there to run around the screen on certain web sites carrying signs, flipping the bird, and giving the raspberries.)
What hath God wrought?
Rungi has not yet suggested that he put his imprimatur on labels of St. Pauli Girl.
I blame the whole thing on Whoopi Goldberg and Kathy Najimy.
Update - 8/27/08: If you log on to Father Rungi's web site today - http://padreantoniorungi.myblog.it/, you will find that he has been given 1,000 Hail Marys and a “Blog in costruzione” sign, because somebody posted his blog on digg it stating "over 1,000 hot Italian babes."
Sunday, August 17, 2008
|In the latest episode of “Sasquatch is Real,” we have Matt Whitton, an officer on medical leave from the Clayton County (GA) Police Department, and Rick Dyer, a former corrections officer, who claim they bagged the dead beast in northern Georgia. They teamed up with Tom Biscardi, the head of a group called Searching for Bigfoot and came up with a scathingly brilliant idea - freezing the body as proof that the Yeti is real. Mr. Biscardi told reporters that he estimates there are over 7,000 Bigfoot creatures living in the U.S. The DNA test failed, but Dyer insists, "They don't have a choice to believe us. We have a body and more tests are underway."|
I asked myself, why would Chewbacca and friends go to Georgia? Then it hit me, for the Budweiser and beef jerky.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
|Remember when actor, Eddie Griffin, was practicing at a local racetrack in Los Angeles, CA, and crashed a $1.5 Million Ferrari Enzo into a concrete wall? The car was totaled, but Griffin was unharmed. The Enzo, one of only 400 ever made, belonged to executive producer, David Sadek, and was being featured in Griffin's movie "Redline." Well, good news! You can cash in all those Dave and Buster’s tickets that you’ve been hoarding. The car has been fully restored and is currently up for sale by Matt Groner of Matthew's Autos in Houston Texas for a cool $1.3 Million.|
an incentive to couples to give birth to babies on National Day,
June 12th. The long-term goal is to boost the country’s birth rate,
which has been on a steady decline since the collapse of the
Soviet Union. As a result, someone posted this video on YouTube.
Caviar with that?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
|Researchers estimate that there is between 1.5 and 2 trillion pounds of unclaimed cow manure lying about the US, much to the chagrin of farmers and folks who live nearby. The substance can be used for many purposes: mulch, potting soil, college pranks, and fertilizer; but scientists need more ideas on how to effectively get rid of the stuff.|
Scientists at Michigan State University have developed a way to transform cow dung into fiberboard, which can be used in flooring and furniture, They say "fiber from processed and sterilized cow manure could take the place of sawdust in fiberboard, which is used to make everything from furniture to flooring to store shelves."
On that topic, I went online to find out if there was a How-to Use Dung (HUD) network, similar to DIY, that has a Martha Stewart or Tim Allen-type program presenting the many uses of dung for the home and garden, but could only find out that Domain name, DUNG.Info, is currently for sale and "Dung.org" is selling Mom and Dad gifts (Our culture has come a long way since Wally and The Beaver left Mayfield). ISCOWP.org lists more than 101 uses for cow dung, including brass polisher, pond PH balancer, tooth polish, and skin tonic. Then, there's PoopSenders.com with the following testimonial:
I sent a pile of poop to my neighbor that lets her dog shit in everybody's yard. She must have gotten the message because now she carries a plastic bag around with her and actually cleans up after the dog. She never did that before. Thanks for a job well done. Anon, San Francisco.
I am convinced that someone like Martha could delicately put dung to good use making lovely holiday gifts for friends and family. A talented Mega Builder could use cow manure as fuel to run a combustion engine. A veterinarian could start a product line of "Phantastic Pheromones," something a chihuahua would swoon over, and use it for animal husbandry. Spencer's could replace its annual Christmas box of Deer Turds.
Sacred Cow Dung? A whole religious movement could be founded and tons of it shipped overseas. How about dung as a substitute for those non-recyclable Styrofoam peanuts? Kids love to play with the stuff too, you know? I bet they can even come up with a good blend for earth toned Silly Putty.
If you are an aspiring entrepreneur with a great idea on how to get rid of all the dung around here, you can contact Michigan State University's Science Department with some insight (you could also have been a contender on "American Inventor").
Our little cashmere mafia got started one night after a lengthy discussion over chardonnay, more chardonnay, chardonnay and appetizers about how we have all been brainwashed into thinking that one must eat certain foods for specific meals.
For instance, you’ve heard the expression “breakfast food,” right? It consists of eggs, certain meats such as bacon, sausage, and ham; and if you wish to think outside the envelope in a politically correct way, eggs Benedict and steak, for crying out loud!
What about orange sorbet and vanilla ice cream?
Long story short, occasionally, we all get together and eat desert for dinner. It’s our way of flipping the bird to the quack up the street, paying tribute to the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and I promise you, we will all live to be 100.
When I came upon an article at Luxist about the best dessert hot- spots in NY, my eyes lit up and my stomach began its ceremonial craving. So, I got on the hook and we made plans to visit the big apple and binge (we also wanted to see the Naked Cowboy in Times Square, but that's another story).
According to Luxist, these are the best places in NY to binge on decadence:
Falai - 68 Clinton St.: Famous for chef Iacopo Falai’s dark, rum-soaked baba cake.
Café Sabarsky - 1048 Fifth Ave: Bringing old world coffee together with Viennese tortes and strudels.
Dessert Truck - University Pl: Outside an NYU dorm, get a little chocolate-bread pudding and stroll through campus.
ChikaLicious - 203 E. 10th St: A dessert-only stop, the sorbet floating in sparkling wine. (in photo)
Chocolate Room - 86 Fifth Ave: Anything chocolate you can think of...beer, tea, cake—you name it!
The “dinner food” police will not come and get you, if you indulge yourself and do them all!
Earn decadence bragging rights, Blog.
Monday, August 4, 2008
|It was a dark and stormy night, the most popular beginning lines to a story, but in this case it was actually true. My five-foot frame almost blew across the parking lot when the "small gust" caught the hood of my jacket. At that point, the color of my parachute turned light ash. I groped around in between cars like Helen Keller hoping for a door handle, instead of those little slits automobile engineers have brilliantly put just under the side windows, which would keep me grounded.|
Humph! I thought, they do the same things with headlight assemblies so what do you expect, it's a conspiracy; they use three different types of screws to install them and make you use three different tools to remove them. I know, because I broke one once and tried to play stealth mechanic in the back of my driveway, so my husband wouldn't find out.
Slowly I inched my way towards the store. I could see the bright lights, it wasn't a mirage, I told myself. I'll get there. I started to rise off the ground like an old Life Buoy commercial, then an old parked Chevy attacked me from the rear and I ended up using leverage at the bumper.
I swear, this is the last time I wait until after Thanksgiving to go Christmas shopping, I lied to myself. My husband had a good excuse for not coming with me bringing the rope and mountain climbing equipment, he was home watching the Philadelphia Eagles finish up a record-breaking losing streak, just like me in this parking lot.
Finally, I arrived at the door of Circuit City. All the employees looked as if this was a wake; no one was in the store. All the other customers used common sense and stayed home. Some of the stock boys were in the back of the store entertaining themselves slinging paper clips with rubber bands. Two guys in the front looked at me like they wanted to ask if I knew the deceased. I went over to the customer service counter and asked the $64,000 question [drum roll]:
"Do you have a Nintendo Wii console in stock?" I asked confidently.
"Hahahahahahhahaha" The manager responded. "Listen, lady, the line starts at 3:00 a.m. on Sunday, be here."
I stood there looking out the window at my car, which was being pelted with empty battery boxes and flying receipts. It wasn't that far, I lied to myself, and besides none of these guys would really want to put me in one of those renegade shopping carts and wheel me over to my car for $5, would they?
I think I'll stay here a while and hail a cab.