Monday, September 20, 2010

Book Signing in Philadelphia Sunday October 3rd

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

New Humor Book -“Sitting on Cold Porcelain”
Book Signing Sunday, October 3rd, at 3:00 pm
Moonstone Arts Center, 110A South 13th Street, Philadelphia, PA

A Humorous Look at Politics, Life, and Current Events

Valenta entertains with witty, honest, and unapologetic insights in engaging new book


Philadelphia, PA – (Release Date September 21, 2010) – Humor columnist Rose A. Valenta and popular comedian Chip Chantry will be kicking off a book signing event at the Moonstone Arts Center, 110A South 13th Street, Philadelphia, PA, on Sunday, October 3rd at 3:00 pm. Valenta brings humor to every bookshelf as she releases Sitting on Cold Porcelain. Published by Xlibris, this book is a collection of the author’s insights that paint a satirical picture of the world today.

Sitting on Cold Porcelain provides delightful entertainment with an amusing, perceptive, and laugh-out-loud take on the state of the country and the world, on celebrities and politicians, and all the news events that make people roll their eyes and groan. Its satirical essays include "Giuliani's Gaffe Could Qualify for Political Darwin Award," "Rush Limbaugh: The Don Rickles of Radio," “Menopausal Seagull Interrupts News Broadcast,” “Trick or Treat – Smell My Feet,” and "The Mona Lisa Had High Cholesterol?"

Witty and honest, Sitting on Cold Porcelain is an unapologetic yet unmistakably intellectual read that is seamlessly woven to challenge ideas and stir beliefs.


Sitting on Cold Porcelain * by Rose A. Valenta
Trade Paperback; $19.99; 163 pages; 978-1-4500-4419-6
Trade Hardback; $29.99; 163 pages; 978-1-4500-4420-2
eBook; $9.99; 978-1-4500-4421-9

You can purchase the book at Amazon.com, Barnes and Nobles, or the order desk of your local book store.


About the Author
Rose A. Valenta is a nationally syndicated humor columnist. Her irreverent columns have been published in Associated Content, Courier Post Online, NPR, Newsday, USA TODAY, the WSJ Online, and many other local news and radio websites. She also authors Rosie’s Renegade Humor Blog - http://rosevalenta.com.

Valenta regularly attends the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop at the University of Dayton, is a member of the Robert Benchley Society and the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

About Chip Chantry
Chip Chantry is a handsome young comedian from the suburbs of Philadelphia, PA. His first performances were opening for his brother's band at Fergie's Pub in Philly and since then Chip has become a regular in comedy clubs across the country. Besides comedy, Chip enjoys music, people who get eaten by alligators, and writing about himself in third person.

To Schedule an interview,
Contact: Marti Lawrence
(816) 678-7476
martilawrence@gmail.com

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Will Lazlo Get the Aircraft Carrier?



© The JFK CV-67 Memorial Foundation, Inc., Roland Camilleri

The U.S. Navy wants to donate an aircraft carrier and my second cousin Lazlo is looking to get married as soon as he can afford a new home. So, he decided to write a letter to the Secretary of the Navy:

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Ray Mabus
United States Secretary of the Navy
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500
September 19, 2010

Dear Ray,

I wasn’t sure if I should write to you at your home in Mississippi or catch you actually in the office at work.

I understand that you are giving away the aircraft carrier USS John F. Kennedy. You know, the one that Caroline christened in 1967?

She is 1,000 feet long and just the right size for Ella and I to live on and start a family.

Ella and I are having our commitment ceremony on October 12. Uncle Mario will be in attendance with his .300 Winchester Magnum, as he already caught us celebrating early in the barn.

Since me and Ella will be having a large family and I have been out of work since June, 2003; I figured that we could throw the anchor over three miles off the coast of Savannah, GA, and use Uncle Sal’s old dinghy to travel back and forth for food, lamp oil, and bait.

I will send you all the catfish you can eat, in exchange for your generosity, and provide transportation to Glenn Beck and Father Guido Sarducci for their “Restoring America” road trips to earn money for gas.

Very Truly Yours,
Lazlo


Thursday, September 16, 2010

NFL to Regulate Testosterone

You know how it can get in a major league locker room when a young attractive woman with a boob job in tight jeans walks in to interview a player, right?

Why do sports media make women do these things?

Last Saturday, Ines Sainz, a Mexican network TV sports reporter was on assignment to interview a Jets player. When she walked in to conduct the interview, all eyes were not on the camera. There were cat calls, whistles, and two naked men going ballistic. Hand towels were frantically being draped over the naked towel racks. One player passed out from holding his breath and two were caught salivating inside a locker.

In the background, you could hear the Beastie Boys "This is Just a Test" on the radio.

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Coach Woody (no pun intended) Johnson was no exception, but he was hiding behind a shower curtain, trying to act like Obama.

After all the excitement was over, Woody issued a public apology to Ms. Sainz.

A memo went out from the NFL to all 32 teams, warning them to tone down the testosterone when female reporters visit their turf.

There is no easy solution to this problem. They way I look at it, Ms. Sainz has every right to dress in tight jeans and expose her $25,000 boob job. However, when it comes to actually entering a major league locker room to interview players, she should send an assistant – someone like Ruth Buzzi, for instance. I think you could actually get an intelligent Playboy-type interview then. The Jets would be better equipped to focus on the questions and answers, rather than try to avoid Woody.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Bobcat Goldthwait Hires Phil Davison as Stand-In

Bobcat Goldthwait got such a kick out of Ohio Councilman Phil Davison’s speech in his bid for Canton County Treasurer, that after he lost the nomination, Goldthwait hired him as a stand-in.

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Harvard put Davison’s speech on its curriculum as “How Not to Deliver a Political Speech.”

I think Goldthwait made a good choice, yes?


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Kanye West Grovels

Hip-hop star Kayne West is feeling the heat for interrupting Taylor Swift’s performance last year, and he has been trying to express his remorse on Face book with over 900,000 followers and Twitter. His fans have been showing their disappointment over him grabbing the microphone and stating that her trophy should have gone to Beyonc—ź. He has had to cancel one tour with Lady Gaga, when a group of Taylor’s fans had too much beer to drink and peed on his Ferrari.

Barack Obama, who is known for his eloquent speaking and upscale adjectives, called Kayne a “Jackass.”

Read the News Article

As soon as he heard that his bottom line was going down the tubes he began sending Tweets like "How deep is the scar ... I bled hard ... canceled tour with the number one pop star in the world ... closed the doors of my clothing office."

He tried blaming his mother for his bad behavior on Jay Leno. If that wasn’t enough, he stated that he was on an ego trip and tweeted that he was finally over himself and has written a song for Taylor Swift.

He didn’t give a title. Maybe it is “Yo Mama Please Forgive My Rude I Need Fans.”

Friday, September 3, 2010

Does the Glenn Beck Show Mirror an AA Meeting?

Washington Post columnist, Kathleen Parker thinks that Glenn Beck’s show mimics the principles of an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting.

“Beck's 'Restoring Honor' gathering on the Mall was right out of the Alcoholics Anonymous playbook. It was a 12-step program distilled to a few key words, all lifted from a prayer delivered from the Lincoln Memorial: healing, recovery and restoration.” she said.

Read the news article

Well, I guess Kathleen has a point when you consider that this is what he thinks of the mentality of his viewers, right?



I delved further into his theories and found that Kathleen actually knows her stuff. This is how most people react behind his GUI interface while he is going off the deep end about things like George Washington’s Inaugural Address:



Let’s hope that we all have the “serenity” and “courage” to hit the remote control and the “wisdom” to know when.